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December 7, 2006
December 1, 2006
Reality is
not:
November 24, 2006
Johnny can you hear me? Here's Johnny.. Kind of wide at the shoulders and narrow at the hips, Big Bad John. THERE IS NO JOHN! The assignment is to describe someone you admire exhaustively and explain why. My cousin studied under Bertrand Russell, for crissakes. Everybody uses their parents as Most Admired. I'm hopelessly in love with my idol and tomorrow I'll be holding on to the person who bombarded me with greatness in my most formative years, so where do I go with this assignment? To Johnny, a fricken composite of brilliance, insight, charisma and undeserved reverence. Maybe that exemplifies my shortcomings better than any empty whiskey bottle or incomplete deliverable during my lifetime. So let me tell you about Johnny. When everyone was watching Davy Crockett on TV, he watched Navy Log. When everybody was boppin' to Dion and the Belmonts and the Diamonds, he played Thelonious Monk and Sinatra records while swilling cough syrup 'cause his father put a lock on the liquor cabinet. When every guy was fixing up old cars after getting their driver's license, he convinced his Dad to buy a dual quad 409 with a 456 rear if he came up with the cash to pay for the hi-speed options. When every guy was on the list to be drafted, he got into a reserve unit and missed out on the debacle in Southeast Asia. He knew the two senators from every state but almost got recycled for not being able to complete the mile run in under 9 minutes. When everybody was embellishing the vaporware qualities of CAD software, he modeled complex interactive systems and saved an executive's ass by collaborating as a partner for token dollars. When he was asked to take a nude picture of a friend in an embrace with the guy's wife, he made a mirrored shadow box made from the negatives clustered in a daisy pattern sandwiched between sheets of glass that was blue ribbon quality. When he came from Berkeley to teach evening classes on business management, he left an indelible message that business is ALL about the people doing it. And when it came time to leave it all behind, Johnny sat next me all the way across the country on my way to begin life as a free man in the arms of my desert flower who lifted me into serenity where Johnny is required no more. Maybe many others have communed at the altar of final destination and they understand that it never would have happened if it were not for Johnny. But if not, don't keep guessing. Mom and Dad make everything possible (Dad's swimmers and Mom's nurturing) but getting there is possible mostly from that virtually endless list of contributors who comprise the Johnny genome. All hail the power. Wake me when this is over. Amen
November 23, 2006
The ride back from gathering provisions today was an unlikely event for the idea to sink in. These are definitely going to be the final postings in this exercise that began almost twenty months ago. Part of me thinks just when they're starting to get pretty good, out comes the plug and the other part says maybe I stayed too long at the fair. The caveats are simply that I was going for truth using streams of consciousness, including mixing the art just as it appeared and struck the Go button. The word choices were mostly having fun with words that popped up into the streams, not because they clarified or even made sense, but because they felt right, like picking a color scheme, or a decision to use a major to minor chord change. Earlier, I dwelled on the dominant between the data gathered surfing or the choices leading to sites itself (a funny way to get that feeling of accomplishment). Her encouragement during the entire run was the proof it was a worthwhile pursuit (secure, harmless, contained, home-based, therapeutic, amygdala stimulating, meme capturing, zone inducing, spiritual, nurturing, comprehensive, harmonious, energizing {{OK, mentally stimulating, the physical activity that interspersed with it comes with thanks to the CC }}. I almost want to just keep adding to the list but it glares softly as is that it is a big decision today and driving back from Lee's is truly an unlikely event during which to experience this level of closure. She has my full attention and will even after my hands no longer can apply my adoration to her head. Contentment abounds from some of the stuff I did here, something that always used to make me get friend's and family's opinion. That was before enlightenment. How bright the light from afar. How sustaining the glow from gratitude takes you through perpetuity.
November 20, 2006
The thing about watching movies for over 50 years is eventually figuring out what to do about the affinity you develop for actresses. Early on, it's doing a love scene with Jane Russell. Later on, it's Katherine Hep and Hanoi Jane affixing a realization in your psyche about brainy babes that Patsy and Edina take to new heights of hilarity. Gotta love those actresses and you, too, Gertie and Mona. You don't want to lock yourself out with no key for when they're playing the part of being dumped without the humor of Ross and Chandler. Not that it matters if you're dumped or the dumpor, the futilty of arguing is like the futility of war minus the body bags. So don't be with that actress when she's playing the part of being hit with a lexiconical right when it was said in between telling her how beautiful she is and how much you savor her company. Or if you find yourself there, disregard the preferred silence and proceed to holiday family spirit. Not the one that's NOT there, but the one that's actual. People who love you let you be as corny as a willow - just being ribald here {{knows nobody uses corny anymore, especially when it's restless as a willow and corny as Kansas as accompaniment...}} - truly happy that you're in love; never wanting you to get a life. If you discover that your fixation is because they take direction, you've missed the Segway, Charlie
November 17, 2006
Live to the point of tears. ~~Albert Camus The physicist today on the radio admitted to pulling off to the side of road from the emotional onslaught from blues on the radio (vision blurred by tears..). My face assumes the distraught look even if the sobs are suppressed during some melodies and relevant words. Physicist guy says that's what music is supposed to do. Gotta get that under wraps so not to embarrass us again while among public. Maybe that's why under the covers always gets the top vote for where to play. I suppose you could say all it takes is two lazy people to make under the covers the place of choice but there's a symmetry there that caps the matching skins and our co-tenancy of the soul. Like the leaves, dropped from the ash tree and blown into the palm fronds, a team comprised of mutually exclusive maturations, entangles with a flawless fit night after night, wakening at dawn with more appreciation than a five year old copier. So happy. Boo-hoo.
November 15, 2006
Gazing askance in the
reflecting pool
November 15, 2006
She talked about streams and I thought of formative years. Trying to change or influence the streams seems like the 1st thing to try if at all OCD. I thought, if an OCD unified with an ADD, would the DADCOD that results end up in a fish 'n chip platter? I am DADCOD and she is DADCOD and our streams flow together, at least until sleep takes over. If we dreamstream, like we daystream, can we change them or influence them? I revere the daystreams and want that for her, too. Slicing through the zeitgeist to find the collective streams, the direction by angels to actualize the way to dwell in the house of love forever. Gathering her strength that made it possible to get through 12 years of heat, makes nothing impossible in all days ahead. Sounds like an infomercial, but acts like a soap opera, a hands-on sensory stimulator
November 14, 2006
Enculturation By
Prose
November 10, 2006
My Parade of the Vices, lifetime edition, always mentions cigarettes..non-filtered Camels, Half & Halfs, blah-blah. Smoked all through the teens, part way into my 20s and occasional flair-ups the rest of the years. Then there's alcohol...an 18 month give-up during the most stressful work period in the lifeline, two meetings @ AA to complete the assignment from therapist # 3 (and last). Both are non-issues in the Dreamland escapade. But then there's sex. Started too young (4), fell in love too many times (I tho't), found out what love sex was all about in my 2nd 50 years but the practice has been kept up, modified by the realities of go with the flow as it's lived in the New Millennium and revered more so than ever (does anyone use more so any more?) Important to emphasize sex is no longer the vice it was in former life. Transcendence way up where the bed feels like a flying carpet on which conversation, laughter, cherished sleep and passive entertainment accompany the take us there productions that happen spontaneously. The endless reminders about my root chakra are more than a stuck groove on a broken record. The magic happens where we're trading the lead, sometimes simultaneously. It's not by accident. It's the payback from using the tricks in Learning How to Learn. So the parade of vices is briefer than the Parade of Virgins in ______________(fill-in name of place you wish to defame here) which got cancelled due to one virgin being sick in bed and the other had sore feet. No vices to parade - is that eviable? I envy myself. All that vice space is filled up with my limitless array of receptors for the joys and beauty in these times [hold the Louis Armstrong song]. She'll get at least the minimum 12 years of post-grad ecstasy with my assurance, then 12 more, then 12 more....
November 8, 2006
Think about the person
you want to be and do what that person would do. Act
the way that person would act.
Amazingly enough, once you start acting like that person,
people will start treating you like that person.
Matching the patterns comes surprisingly easy to a guy who can't figure out some of the most basic stuff after all those years. The concept of God as a religious figure goes way back to Rittenberg's and Wissahickon Plush Mills. My asthma stopped the miasma from acting out the part right before finding the collective consciousness in the desert. Oh sure, sneezes erupt like dactyls with hard Ks but where the vapor once triggered frightening reckonings, solitude in the grotto is now the go to spot for answers and direction. I knew that the "no other God" edict was protection by thwarted exposure to the CC, not a bad shamanic teaching, but so flagrantly ungodlike. The pleaser label never bothered me probably because schmoozing and sucking up came as easy as pattern matching. The contrarian accusation stuck in my amygdala, most certainly playing a part in these pathetic on duty dreams that won't go away. There's a lingering response to doing what told to do that fits the contrarian profile which probably explains why knowing the liquor is quicker, I still don't like to direct. It must be a variation to the sloppy seconds revelations from the 60s where even though you just had to ask, it never connected on a soul level. We're in the era where fingers to the mouth is on par with picking your seat, so no warm up is any longer possible. So maybe it will eventually be cleared like the elevator/train ride dreams. The walk through daylight is ever so much more satisfying, as long as the tugger makes that fascinatin' rhythm
Novemnber 7, 2006
Understanding God picks up exponentially when you find the love you were seeking all along. The barrier to non-believers often? is the fear that interested people will take you for just being influenced by One {{G O D }} so no real exchange of self is ever going to include you. It's the point that God (Love ) is the main ingredient whether you believe life is the vessel and love is the content, or love is the vessel AND the content. It's like go after the non-believer if you think that gives you a better chance of becoming their One they believe in. Some non-believers never experienced love even within their family, so if they fall for you, make sure they are OK with becoming a believer, 'cause if it's love, you'll become a believer eventually (sooner than later..). It's just that everything they said about God is Love is correct. When you find love, you find God, at least that's the sequence in my existence. And when you focus on things that came with the Creation's Big Bang instead of focusing on just other people, the love expands to bigger skies and farther horizons. The affirmation that follows never distances you from the love that brought you the understanding. It comes from a collective understanding expressed by various examples, i.e. plantings, points of solutions, visual beauty, ethereal beauty, words that begin with vag- did you know vagrant comes from females who rant and rave? It's understanding that God (Love ) is there whether you take it or not. When you take the one who cherishes the excitement and the exchanges which make that excitement keep on keepin' on, then you've supped at the cistern of 230s. New locations of pleasure centers and two sets of open arms meet at the Y, fueling energy surge inflections bordering on the chaotic and driving out the DNA frenetically. I'm thinking it may be the naughty aspect that brings it home (maybe that and the frequency). Hands of a goddess, that goddess of love.
November 6, 2006
Trapped: Dedicated to Collazo Il Duce Last thing I remember is turning the corner into the lavatory which would be more aptly named for the fecal qualities it projected instead of the hand washing it suggests. Next thing I know, I'm catching glimpses of loved ones viewing my embalmed body as I travelled through the light. It would take too many words to explain how I got to be trapped, but let's mention the temporary euphoria workin' with the research boys on Christian Street and the most fabulous closing ceremonies ever engaged by working stiffs. Perfect eponymousy spot known as The Family. The drinks flowed, the tributes echoed and you couldn't walk way without feeling feted for bringing home the results required. The trapped part lived openly in my head, a well-paying supervisor spot but in a constricted environment that gripped my colon like an arm wrestler's squeeze when shaking hands. The paycheck was too sweet to give up for reasons of the No Room to Express variety. So it lingered until the career interrupting selection on this project that sounded like a Flash Gordon movie. I found out what collegial love felt like for the first time and it catapulted me outside the somber drafting area to where my Dom DeLuise imitations received the ovations they deserved. I never felt the squeeze again until the set got broken down by the permanenties, leading to the end of the day on the freefall that followed. The thing was I had to forego all of those gut sessions that typified everyday there, just to convince the evaluators that I was fully back undistracted. The skunk works aspect of those 18 months branded us all with labels of dissenters since we were openly acting as agents of change. It was just that apparent to me that I must reign in all those exaltations tasted outside the trap, so I constricted then they killed me. Would I do it all over again? Is granola a record player covered with dermal imitations of grandmoms' elbow swatches? That's a smartass yes. All over again. Wonder what ever happened to our leader who turns out that he worked the system to make it seem like a seminal happening instead of a job killer that the technology appearing there was Holy Grail . Heard he was dealing blackjack somewhere. So, here's to all you inmates, trapped in the confines of our own making. I wish I were there to rejoin you but even in this spritual state, I can still taste the delectable flavor of freedom. The truth sets you free but love keeps you there.
November 3, 2006
When to hold 'em, when
to fold 'em always brings the dichotomies from
out of the lobotomies. What to cling to, what to let go.
Either be part of the the solution or you're part of the
problem. Stay in the moment, all else is either a promise
or a cancelled check. Mind and matter, body and soul. It
always takes me to there is just her and then
there's everybody else and that usually curtails the mind
ride. But among the others are people who are part of us
and worthy of distinction rather than be lumped in with
the lumps. Pristine is good, but living for pristine is a full
time discipline. It's like, food for the soul needs too much
attention than to be tied down living for pristine.
Immaculate appearance cries for shortcuts which
notches down to faux pristine. This is where
uncommitted or lapsed neat freaks hide, someplace in
common with malingerers, antisocials and wannabe neat
freaks. It's kinda protective there, knowing full well that
going au naturel worries your intimates too much, so faux
pristine works on the surface. It sounds a little like do
just enough to get by but it's more like letting
nothing distract you from the November 2, 2006 Run for cover made
sense then, still makes sense now. It keeps coming back
to how to protect her when the drivers here are
maddening and her biggest concern is inside her where
only trusted professionals need to tread.
We're almost there where we're never apart and
whatever lingering anxiety remaining with my signature, will
disappear. The cootchie-coo thing will morph into
camouflaged passion like it always does and brave hearts
face fears together. It baffles the mind how willingness to
take a bullet doesn't make sacrifice the answer to
everything. Getting clear what the issues are does,
though. That and honestly feeling like
anything is acceptable if it keeps the
plate clean for romance and play. Today's brilliance is
brought to us by
resveratrol, thanks to Chuckie. Keeping the
expectations right there at unrelenting adoration comes
automatically, it seems, with the feelings associated with
these words. So far, so good. November 1, 2006
One of the things about having something incredibly
good happen to you is dealing with who's expense did your
happiness emanate from. By good, let's zoom to the kind of good that takes
you to the highest peaks in a lifetime of ALL your good things, rather than the kind of
good thing happening like your first safe ride in a
Viper. The overridng truth is simply being
with someone so fulfilling that your feeling of well being
comes from her, instead of a sought out distraction.
Among those things you have to watch out for is
conversing about something meaningless to her at that
moment - THAT'S the key - Moment because we're always
in the moment together and if I'm talkin'
blah-blah and she's focused on doing something
next, we're cruisin' towards discordancy. Too many
chances wasted on cheap misalignment. Yesterday's
notice that a totally significant goombah's misfortunes
came while all feet are firmly planted in a centering
position, filtering none of the feelings
associated with concern, certifies the definition
jackpot winner to analogize the scoop of the
impact, including the entirely new feelings associated
with straddling this current peak. So here's to life and
every joy it brings. Shaping those joys in continuous,
endless formations ends up being in the midst of real joy
shared in some manner that interprets things with a whole
brain (two half-brains = one full one, get
it?)........... Two heads better than one; In the restroom at work, the Boss had placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it -- "Think!"
The next day, when he went to the restroom, he looked at the sign and right below, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read -- "Thoap!" October 30,
2006 ~~Carl Sandburg
October 25, 2006
If all of this were just practice for real writing, I'd be
disappointed in the level at which this is coming out after
all those months. Totally beyond the "dig me" traps that I
set for myself before emancipation, I promised a for
me blog, saving the crap produced in my mind and
fingers just as it came out, like a hot scoop on a news site,
but for transparency to snapshots of what I think about
and enjoy. My passing beyond pop culture, competitions
as a spectator, blah-blah level-set me for changes down
the road that would make these streams help me
understand how to make the changes winners {NOTE the
use of the competitive term]. By distancing away from
what I don't understand but don't care because I get no
excitement from them, I close in on what really excites
me - romance with her. Have I forced her to be selective
about our conversation topics by bringing up too many
Oh, by the ways? Some of the stuff I talk
about is, at times, peripherally interesting but there
needs to be a long discussion about passion, touching on
needs and wants while stressting that initiating is only
one of the passion indicators and making those
penetrations memorable is as fascinating a topic that I
can imagine. The passion received is = to the passion
generated from within. Passion from you and to you. Fear
not that death while coming as a scenario is a
probability. Our entire being is based on constant
pleasure from endless tangles of body parts and zone
encased exchanges of passion. My life is to eliminate all
stress for you and add zero to the nerves list. Let's
talk October 20, 2006
Your task is not to
seek for love,
but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself
that you have built against it.
-~~Rumi
Redemption once meant getting house stuff with
green stamps at the S & H Redemption Center. That's not
detracting from that learning point where you find out
you will get guidance from your spiritual explorations if
you explore while believing. Currently it's portrayed as
hackneyed excuse for being a prick (hard line vs. soft),
exploiting believers in the invisible while enabling
benefaction to those who have the most to give. My
redemption can be explained by hoping the prick is right,
as in being aware he's saying the right things but making
them up as he's going along. It's caring more that he's
correct about good reality outcomes more than being
pissed off for being scammed by him. What happens
today is a result of what we do more than what he does
or doesn't. Starting the day with fingertips, salute to the
sun, gratitude for being here with her and all day to say
this is resoundingly nurturing (did I forget to mention
stroking her sleeping face?). I like mellow and she makes
me mellow, maybe because my nervous makes her
nervous. Makes us heavily lean towards happy endings
instead of hardline reality. New line happy endings.
Unlearning old. Like Mrs. Lee's advice from my
Raddick-broken heart at 12. The ending's still happy, but
the jump-start to get there's changed. When you're a
romantic, be sure she is, too. Tried it the other way - it
didn't work. Got here anyway. All thanks. October 18, 2006 When I come here to read and
immediately go to the oldest stuff first, I'm reading it for
comprehension first then style points. But if someone
wanders on to these words, I wonder how many most
recent offerings they'll go through before thinking about
going backwards. From oldest first, I get to benchmark
the changes which are significant (staying on her path,
work on my fixes, too, see-me touch-me feel-me), already
getting the initial feeling when I wrote it, so, no getting
bogged down on the word choices. Filtered truth is good
as long as the absolute truth never gets countered. All
the kudos for exceeding be careful what you wish
for are legit. I'm truly watching my wish happen with every
breathing moment, knowing what's ahead is beyond anything written here. Free at last, free at last {excuse that
dramatization]. Joint compound. A-Team. Intimate
traveller. Powered by see-me touch-me feel-me.
Connie &
Dave: Quest for the Puffy Chair It seemed
still-dark early to Connie when Dave awakened her, but
his voice was persistent in reminding her of the
difference in traffic now and later. Skip to the
pull-out-of-driveway scene and Connie asks Dave, "Dave?
what time is the flight again?" "we've lotsa time, Moog",
Dave bullshat. Shortly, Connie noticed they passed the
exit to the airport and looked at Dave and asked, "WTF,
Dave?" Here is where the jet tingles - "We're trying a new
deal, Moog," Dave vapor-locked to her. When they pulled
into the postage stamp parking area, Connie
double-dogged WTF'd this time. Dave said, "we're taking
the bus which will save about $30 bucks in parking fees."
"What?" "What?" Connie's incredulity couldn't be zipped.
"We're going to a 4star health resort in Scottsdale and
you're putting us on a bus to save 30 effen dollars? Are
you crazy?" Connie hockered out with small droplets of
spit, she was so livid.
Dave turned and opened his window and this tall guy
with a Danish accent offered to Connie, "Connie? Hi there
- ready to flop into this Town Car and head for Arizona in
the lap of this good lookin', no drivin' guy next to you?"
Connie got a little bit wet as she looked at Dave's grin.
"What a thrill, you fat bastard." October 16, 2006 How much of what we buy in
the catagory "Truth" morphs into Truth if it wasn't
already, just because we bought it? Part of really, really
good conversation is getting a significantly different take
that makes me consider it, not blow it off and actually
make improvements for us because of it. I might be
thinking "good PC and TV" guy and she's getting
consultative guidance about a Wet Room with a shower
but when they're both talked out, what really comes out
are the results we're excited about. It's what keeps these
projects from being anything but a kick, like the couples
on HGTV who get makeovers for TV except we skip that
part and go to having the same fun without the
intercession. Projects without the fun are like shitty
bosses - all that mental input with so little satisfaction
until everything is done. Just like good projects with a
good boss, having fun while getting heads and bodies
together to make it all happen just right is like sitting on a
porch with feet up on the railing. All that gray matter
going to woikin' for the Man is staying
right here, right soon and that's a message that flavors
everyday like The Kiss adorned the Rio
hallway. October 13,
2006 Help me weave the harmony
around our divine gift October 11, 2006
October 9, 2006
This is a story about a man who wandered from the
woods into the desert and found a whole new way of
living. The only thing needed to be known about his life in the
woods is that it was filled with irrational and aberrant
choices degrading all the good decisions. The desert life
surrounds you with people who came there to get
something. That's not all bad. That's if what you came to
get is love. And you found it. First thing that comes to
mind about desert is the climate, which is reasonably
controlled. The real attribute of the desert is the
perception that you're away from it all if the from is the
woods, where you were surrounded by people you
actually cared about. But, were it not for the love, the
urge to regress could take traction, shrink satisfaction
and get her poor dog a bone. Rover aspirations aside,
the desert charms you with the mountains as crown
molding to diffused sky colorings, as the yard folliage
swings in the breeze. Makes you want to talk about it
with someone who loves you - hey, that's what this is.
Only the one I love sees it right next to me and describes
it in like admirations. Now if this were for submission, at
this junk shore, we'd be taking the plot to succombing
to excessive temptations that abound in the desert, and
having him be murdered by his lover who's a nurse
politician. And the whole point of the story would be
changed into a lesson on How do we Filter the
Ugly which was Thrust Upon
Us?. You want to believe you can handle ANY
situation and no rehearsal should be required and my
need to rehearse can be done cerebrally. But this is for
just us and the plot is locked onto love's pleasures
featuring the two of us, presently into P & P (oops, sorry
about that P and half-P), with assistance from the CC
which includes /
* , and pleasure rubs of vascular rectitude. Two
handers on the table are virtually impossible to lead to
anything but contributions of uncontrite splashes of
love juice. Boy I wish I solicited acknowledgment to
stroke on, sweet rower. The rhythm was just right. And
it etched your harmony with my breach so vividly I'm
right back there as this comes out. Missing was her
instruction to erupt, like do it for me, it's all that I want.
Doesn't matter though - look what it's doing for me on a
rainy Monday morning. Marie's, I'm coming.. October 7, 2006 Keeping it where it is October 5, 2006
The breakthru seemed to be the notion that there was a
part of her that didn't like me. Turns out it was actually part of me
that I wasn't crazy about. Fortunately,
this threshhold we're on brings in her
problem solving/results getting power here full-time.
The part of me I'm altering has to do with letting go of
controls. There's a big difference between letting her
make the choices and making her choices MY choices by
choice. She makes really cherry choices when they can
be informed choices more than random picks. So here's
something I wrote in April, 2003: The Only Part of Her Doesn't Like Me was a break-thru.
Oh well, it helped in some small way to get here
today October 4,
2006 Describe me with nicknames
that do NOT end in y or ie. October 3, 2006 There is no silver bullet,
kimosabe. Maybe a pewter, if you're lucky. For me, alot
stems from teachers. Got one of them there Jew liberal
exposures.
Lipstick in School
(Author unknown)
According to a recent news report, a certain private
school in Washington was recently faced with a unique
problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning
to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they
would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of
little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would
remove them and the next day the girls would put them
back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be
done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met
them there with the maintenance man. She explained
that all these lip prints were causing a major problem
for the Maintenance man who had to clean the mirrors
every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the
little princesses).
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the
mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the
girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the
toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers.... and then there are educators.
"True friendship comes when silence between two
people is comfortable"~~Anonymous
The bonus turns out to be from my dealing with my aberrances before my
rebirth from finding her, so I came with the serious stuff in remission. They started way back when
my missteps were many and my fix list couldn't even be
listed. Where I now get my fixes from her is the learning
place where we both understand. Right now I'm kneeling as in
prayerful and as in reviving the moustache rides, but
kneeling this minute, thanks to her for the chair, to coax
these words. If all I get is Rehash, I quit. Not always
looking for poignant but definitely not Rehash. So the
Fresh today is the realization that feeling
misunderstood got me working on Positive spin IS a
form of denial but so is turning the channel. It's
working for me. But she says it works for her when she
understands my point. We don't agree on all points but
ALL the biggies. She still withholds questions but
confirms all of this is not all gibberish. We stabilize on
her common sense (except when it makes no sense).
Plus I pre-empt while sippin' Chuckie, providing
conversation material if so declined. And the P & P still
curls toes. October 2,
2006
Being ambulatory, I mosied up to the sandwich menu
and ordered a Nebuchadnezzar. The bread reminded
me of my pledge for no more BAD sammies
after experiencing what do you call a crabcake with
mouth roof-piercing shards? Shelly. But then
there's no more territory to conquer between
incorrigible and incorruptible - the span between
unfixable and all fixed (none of us is neither) has been
done. So it's more about keepin' the spark now that
you've found it. We found ourself interchanged last
time, but we're striving for interchangeability and we
both used familiarity with our nuances to signal
pleasure center IS activated where she gets to stop
when the end strikes her. Next time more forearm, water
buffalo hands. Hey, these hands aren't anywhere near
her Stradivarius's but they've played some sweet tunes
and always will. And the director's cut includes scene
where the contrived turns into the real, using the
example where the description of the joys of streams of
consciousness, parlaying the randomness into
MUST READs (well, maybe worth
re-reading, to pick up the dropped pieces) leads Dr.
Philz on the planet to shout "ADHD!". Stay focused - get
things done, of course. There was a by-product of The
Force that left a residue pronouncing "Do It Now" while
the willingness was still present. We got some bad
seams and bloodied fingers from that. Fatefully, we're in
a Hold mode so most of day-to-day Get Dones are
Rosario items that save the grey matter for CC time.
She's gonna love her jingled bells this year. September 29, 2006
The open dimension of our worlds defies equations that
devolve us from remembering we are all points of
compliance to the CC. The fight or flight regions get
working and success comes in the form of shades between THE
point man( =>) and laid back guy (c*). Now, => experience is
limited to corporate and church. Positive aggressive
opens doors to some memorable characters but
repentedly aberrant decisions made during those
experiences remind me to limit => to recurring flashes
at home when expected. At least the pointer used by =>
home version is capable of two fister magnitude. Now
c* covers most of my live and let live life. Included is a
cluster of c*Too Much critiques but then there's the
dictation quotient at the end that seems now the right
mix for the time. The proof is how convincing binnesss
time is for justification. On the threshhold of The
Dream. September 28,
2006 Something
sanctimonious
Celebrating the extended hommage to overcoming my
knack for making girls nervous. Probably didn't make
enough eye contact back then. But something about
that worked at the time in turning attention into action,
costing me substantial respect and distance from my
soul, hence today's celebration. The true hommage is to
the sweetness of her love, swirled around the
sanctuary
Engaged in love non-stop
Nothing stuck about Fisher Stevens
It's very clear September 26, 2006
Do you let it happen or make it
happen?
Sep 25, 2006
Getting there meant filling the
tummy void, so Crack Up fed us. Then downtown to
look at overhangs, paver stones, high end swings and
excess public. Then to help the boys and girls getting a
bag full of needed electives.
Then a walk thru Zorba for some ouzo 'ritas. Wake up
next morning started at Frappuccino City and
overactive Al's for some honey wheats, Milt's and a
quick scoot to the spot under the umbrella where the
jets stimulate and the topper, La Famiglia a la Ferraros.
Love, love the action and the soundscaped
kneads. September 23,
2006 If cognitive dissonance is
the lousy feeling you get when you come forth via the
anuscopic highway, it is a sign of help needed and a
chance at the payout. The latest jackpot is a panorama
of good news which engenders attention on the latest
lead: If criticism repels me, why aren't I better at it at this
junk shore? Self-criticism generates its own set of
corrections that I buy completely because I made the
criticism of myself, myself. So I get it 1st hand if the fixes
are working, cherry or funk city. Her criticism is never
intended as grape stomping, so why assume the fetal
position ever? I'll get better results when we both dwell
in that post-graduate haven. My laziness alone reminds
me there are so many more things I could get criticized
about but don't. So the plan is to make her almost
extinct criticisms of me be the same as self-criticism and
go right to the best probable solutions. Once I get rid of
that picture of me as germy, I run those fantasies about
her for daytime fun. So the rest of the plan is to get rid of
the governance on conscience which a bit germy has. A
return to harmonic convergence. Ya go with the peter
what brought ya, leaving no stern untoned. Discretion
inserted here - explicity not needed. She's gotta way
about her. September 22,
2006 . Now I lay me down on
the table September 20,
2006 Close calls with hefty inconvenience bypass our place here, with hefty thanks to the Great Spirit and the CC. One of those give for the good of others ruses, those contrived outcomes where duping the honest ones fuels the engine. But turns out, it's not always the money responsible for the pleasant ambiance when you get what you REALLY want. Good things happening to good people. Sometimes when you raise your hand alot, the signal sent is exactly the right one. She has the needed instincts and , oh my, those hands. September 19, 2006 Things that are NEVER a
non-event:
Like the one about a guy who preferred thumbs
Forever September
17, 2006 If you think about it
seriously, all the questions about the soul and the
immortality of the soul and paradise and hell are at
bottom only a way of seeing this very simple fact: that
every action of ours is passed on to others according to
its value, of good or evil, it passes from father to son,
from one generation to the next, in a perpetual
movement.~~Antonio Gramsci
For every follow the money there's a
determination of where did it come from?
competing for attention. Following the money is
looking ahead with a better understanding from where
it originated. The source can help us find out more
about our ancestors, thus better understand ourselves.
One of the things driving this is memes, or bits of
reflections of our cultures, passed on from kin. So what
is it from Ps and Qs passed to me do I want passed on
after I pass into gas over the Red Rock cravass? See? Even using Ps & Qs shows my
era as "Better mind your peez and kewes, lad..". That's a
meme. Life's one big love button, babe.
That's a primal meme. Evolution lets us appreciate life's
glowing moments as if you're one big love button.
Hands on all the other parts creates new favorites. My
reciprocal still remains mired in the same 'ol same ol',
though. Can't tell if it's just me flasing back to the pre-pubescent parlor or just some desire to act out something which impressed me in some smut or from some sex tale. Probably more like getting nasty during making out is just too stimulating. I'll try it and report back. Ten-effen four. September 14, 2006
Cut if you will with sleep's dull knife
The September Express still provides great views from the speeding train. No denials to withstand questioning
so even as the summer farewell is still ahead, all time possible is arranged for taking in the collective daytime offering. The description of whether the Emerson met the OTL model or the best anticipation, termed in words of emotion vs. value, struck her fancy as visionary. We can always find that place off Sugar Mountain. Help is needed to find the source of aversion to it. Can't get past high risk, low reward. Probably we'll not be there again for some time. There's something to that grass is greener remark. September 13, 2006 Sports psychology
suggests no boinking the night before a day of
competition. Early understanding focused on the
physical exertion, like you won't run fast on depleted
legs from ejacing. Recent thoughts are more on the
mellowing effects of the endorphins - hard to crash into
to people with vigah when your gravity is zero, space
float from the connection with the love universe. So
here's the truth from an original lovenaut:
I just did a yoot morning - landscaping, lifting, digging,
truck delousing, cooking, cleaning and popping ideas.
Old time output for this sheltered quasi- cosmologist.
And among the aching bones, all I can see is a picture of
her as she enters the hug space ready
for some love done romantically - PLEEZE, take the
CUTLERIES from my KNEES. * Binness time. . . . . . .
responsible for outcome including all
fluffing. September 11,
2006
Torrents of love at the point of decision
The obsession stands to get it all here
Graduation's almost here, my love September 6, 2006
So tell me what's she like? She's a 10. OK - what's her
personality type? Controlling ERRRRRR!
Resistance to people who are too controlling is just an
unwillingness to letting someone you trust to make their
choice yours. But it's like giving a hug to someone who
asks for one. . . give up the controls, make her the
decider and really get into her decides.
Controling the environment and the direction of the act
is not always a relinquishment of control over your self.
You control yourself, if not where your day /nite is spent.
You control if the action is soul-driven or just a MUST
that needs taken care of. Like the beat-beat beat of the
tom-tom.... September 1,
2006 Thinking about the ladies of Grey Garden in a musical on Broadway says alot about what's palpable in themes in our lifetime. There's a quality about being eccentic in private that softens the delusional nightmares acted out in daylight by the wingnuts. Interspersed with images of Dolly and Burt singing " foolin' around with you...foolin'......you", it doesn't compute for me. We kid about the designated director role down the road when my groupwise is down. Thankfully my compass assisted her driving directions when my vision was positively rapturous, a precognitive view of the future I judge. She's not right when I'm not 100% and her nurturing is maximum complete. I'm in the game twenty-four __________ (fill-in blank, send along with SASE and a gift card for one grippo-rubbo to PO Box BeautyRest, THE Loft, NV). August 30, 2006
Does 'anal-retentive' have a hyphen? ~~Alison Bechdel
I had to go back to Leonard Cohen's: August 28, 2006 Every day's a new day Every time I love ya
Maybe it's Wilde's words coming from Helen Hunt that led us to the fun it is understanding smart people. Keeping the stupid time smart, making it fresh where it's wrinkled, where the light shines in. It feeds the main feature of love, being with the one you love most, most of the time. When it's ALL the time, we'll be keepin' it fresh, interlaced with the fun from the smart people and the ones whom we most love. Getting the best mix from her makes finding them really fun. Trying to be there when it happens contends with don't be anywhere near it when the BIG one hits, but listening when Maynard's death results is tributes featuring horny band numbers (horny as in trumpet not leg-humping), it convince me to try to be THERE when the there is a keeper for its Mellon Colonic Irrigating Effect (the left-over sun-dried,'choke slice didn't hurt.....). August 24, 2006 Dear Ndugu,
Well, the morning I told you about arrived at dawn today. I had anal glaucoma (couldn't see my ass getting to the eye center) but was re-somethinged by that gal I described in my first letter who drove me to and from. She was the prettiest beauty in the whole place as always, but today she could have shown up in a muumuu and still got all the votes. The average age of the patients there was the outside temperature today and I don't mean 80s. One cadaverous gummer had tennis balls on the back feet of her walker (looked like Sister Billie Jean Teresa). They made me glad my impairment was limited to just seeing cockeyed all the way thru lunch and home (sun drieds,'chokes 'n basil pizza) at the 24seven. Didn't see you among the ancients this morning, Mom but got your nudge biting into the decadence. Sorry, Ndugu for that distraction but the acknowledgement is automatic like the way my chest still thumps when I'm sitting next to her or when the SUV screeches to a halt at the end of the day. You'd get a kick out of her, kid. So, peace in the valley 'til next time. With particular fondness,
Warren R. Schmidt August 22, 2006
Harry: Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention. The Be Careful What You Ask For thing comes to mind when the requested thing is attention. Basking in attention came about as naturally as suckling, Peter Tweaking, going cuckoo over sugar and getting Rosemary Telesco into my life. Turns out it didn't make the cut even though all the others made it into the MMs. Finding the one who loves my attention pretty much did it for the attention thing. So why post it here, if not for attention? Places on the web exceed every listing in every phone book everywhere, so it's like a small cubicle in an enormous commercial terracondo with sparce locators. A file in a planetary file cabinet. Eff attention; it simply = bandwith/server issues. As long as my directions are revisited, refreshing and often, it's the coolest file cabinet evar! Now that we answered the why,where,when portion we can skip the exact how for now and get our attention to the what. We are such a complete part of our life, everyday is more sensual than a victory, feels better than a mother lode and flagrantly carries on the real traditions. August 21, 2006 Appeal of the unknown, fear of the unknown. The unknown's too big to be filtered into all-appealing or fear-all. The bigger certainty is what's known about the matter and what that tells you while you are in the now. When you're at peace right this moment, you still must be alert, mastering your force, affecting both of us so BEST decisions are made, based on where we want to be 10 years from now (pretty much the same as NOW). If you want all your [.] periods to represent how many times you've re-written this sentence, more is better................................................ If the real prime concern about these words is what are their re-creative qualities so when I re-read this x gens from now, I'll be able to re-create where we are by the content. It's my guard rail to now if my known needs resetting. Tonite we boogie for 30. Grappling a good possibility. Too much pleasure from hands-on to leave any room for regrets about reminiscences. August 18, 2006
Getting there demands knowing what was broken in you and what fixed it. Even if just to answer the How did you get there? question. So, say one of the fixes was to replace all the things that made me worry with a list of congruencies. What made me worry? Away from Mama, mostly. You loved your solitude and I love times of affection. So where there used to be worry, there's all the things I love about her. She's the very first one to replace you, Mom. She gets me to repeat the stuff captured on the back of my blue eyes. They come out like an ADHD moment and you want to process them all but the 4 or 5 method applies here. You're looking for basic sensible replies to the prayers thrown out to the Great Spirit and the CC. Just runnin' thru my list of captures while writing this and getting the pull from where the captures are best - under the sky. August 17, 2006 Getting Did for good behavior goes right back to the Penitence/Reward Era. Now, featuring real love, comes replete with curled toes as the epilogue for Thanks I Really Needed That. I am no longer on the end of the saw and we're both on the reward side there. The glow that has endured 12 magnificent years has a contemporary hue. Mui Bueno, my darling August 15, 2006 How would you like your eggs in the morning? Unfertilized, of course. If the rooster comes before the egg & chicken, the omelete is ruined. Thank you, CC for favor received. My frenzy is proof that answered prayers begin with those launched at the soul level. A quintessential giveaway is her lock on my gratitude as her determination takes me away once again - oh, what a wonderful ride. Shine on her please, Mr. Words so she'll never doubt how incredible her loving enshrines any deadheads hugging my fronds. Even the throbbing from getting teeth rehollowed cannot detract from the power of love. August 14, 2006 Stretched attention makes you throrough doing a Will to cover details about stuff going to the family. Probably lessons learned from administrating both with & withoutone and convinced you don't want to put the family through anything like it. So how can we stretch our attention to doing a thorough job on Will while he's still alive? We should make what happens before our Urn Dispersion more fun, with even more enthusiasm (eff curbing it...), than what's needed to get the right details August 11, 2006
Another actualization w/ amygdala still intact: We learn early that genital stimulation gives you a lifetime friend. Excess stimulation overlays with the fascination associated with first time physical encounters, leading sometimes into trouble. Abundant stimulation generally leading to release satisfies the most deliciously and this all leads to - Sometimes it's where you learn how to please and know how to tell. That's why paying for getting did doesn't get to the core good stuff. You can pay for technique but can you buy fun out of her? As in - she's having fun in addition to the pay. My experience in a steam 'n cream is like the alligator on viagra - reptile dysfunction disorder. It was confirmation that my declining interest in sex theater started with pleasureless madickulation if the actress wasn't into the part. Never was a Shut Up and Sing kinda guy. It's not a control thing because when she gets outta control, me 2. Inducing a venue to promote orgasm(s) is the same as the ones where the affection comes out "It's business, it's business ti - ime". My lifetime friend is still with me and to date, never had any type of playdates with other guys and their friends, ya know what I mean? All of my playdates are scheduled with her . . . it's business ti-ime. August 9, 2006 | |||